Ruthie

When the news of my aunts terminal cancer set in I began to think of the many memories of my beloved aunt. Today early this morning on January 3, 2011 she passed away to once again be with our Father in Heaven. I am completely a mess! Some times I just stop and think how will my life go on without her in it. I shake and cry as I write this. I don't know if one day passed that I went without speaking to her or feeling her presence in my everyday life. No one will understand the love and the relationship I had with her besides my sister Courtney because we had such a special bond that couldn't be explained. I feel as though I have lost a parent. I know she is in a better place believe me, I guess as naive as it sounds I never saw or pictured my life without her.

The day I gave birth to my daughter my mother called my Aunt on the phone and at that moment I told Richard that everyone that meant the most to me was there. The first three months of Allison life it was tough she was a newborn I was a new mother and I swear everyday I called my aunt some times just to talk, to vent, to ask questions, to share new things. Those were some of the most cherishing moments I can remember. As much as she was involved in my life my children meet just as much to her. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do was to tell my daughter her Aunt had passed. The true hardest thing I ever had to do was telling my aunt good bye. My wonderful mother put the phone up to my Aunts ear as we had a private conversation and a last goodbye.

I am sure this post makes no since, but it is very therapeutic to write this out.

I am not sure how this year will unravel, I do know that I have a guardian angle in Heaven looking after me. Oh Ruthie words are not enough to tell you how much I love you and how much you will be missed.